mafiadotorgfandomcom-20200213-history
The New York Times Issue 3
The New York Times, Issue Three 7th October 'TROUBLE IN ATLANTA' By John Doe As I was sat at my desk in our small established New York Headquarters this morning, rocking backwards fiddling with the paper clips holding together the makeshift window blinds. A young man runs into the office almost knocking several of the filing cabinets. I have to admit I wasn't startled, I’ve seen crazier things happen in New York City. But there was something about the guy he looked ever so panicked as he slipped a note on my desk. I picked it up and read it carefully not thinking it would be much but quickly realising that it could be the exclusive of all exclusives. Pushing my chair aside I quickly went to follow the young man and try and find out more information on the note that was left behind. But it was too late. Not because the young man had got away, but because his body lay on the steps just outside the Headquarters, two bullet holes cleanly visible in his skull - a professional hit. And that now brings me to this very moment - written this very news exclusive. The note on the desk was in handwriting of a 'Santo' quite possibly acclaimed Atlanta Boss Roberto Santo which read the following "Ok people it seems like, my time alive maybe near. I’m not gonna ask for your to fight my battle, but I will ask your if you can ***********. Please ****** it if you can. If any of you have ***** your can spare please do so. I’m in ** *** now. I will ************* the bets. Respect Santo" Unfortunately quite a bit of the hand writing on the letter was smudged but the greater part of the letter was still readable. One can only imagine what could about to happen, but whatever it is you can be sure The New York Times will be here to bring you the latest news as soon as it happens. 'MADE MEN DOWN AND OUT IN LA' By Jake Roberts Late Wednesday afternoon saw two of our communities made men fall in a series of unfortunate events which took place in down town LA. Shortly after the publication of Issue two of the New York Times which lead with its cover story regarding the New York bank heist, the alleged bank robber found himself under attack from members of Disco casa para il delictivo loco demente. It is believed that New York made man Nobody Cares first found himself under attack in Denver, the scenes of last weeks shootings and decided to seek safety in LA. Once in LA it is believed that one of his body guards was shot dead by Phatal Error the Dallas made man. Nobody Cares was able to take Phatal Error out with one clean shot but was then arrested by the LAPD despite the fact that fellow Dallas Made Man Axes also tried to take credit for killing Phatal Error. Once in jail Nobody Cares was then attacked several more times before his untimely demise at the hands of the shank of an unknown assailant. The attack on Nobody Cares was alleged to have been a combined effort from at least 4 more made men from Disco casa para il delictivo loco demente and also at least one member of Kaizen. Disco casa para il delictivo loco demente leader Puck was not in the country at the time of the attacks and upon his return from business was faced with this family crisis. Mr Krazytrain has since made threats against Puck and his family with regards to this attack. Updates will follow. 'IDENTITY CRISIS' By Cubert Farnsworth This past week saw the Gods create a set of new rules governing our daily lives. One of these was to offer the chance to create a new, hidden identity at a price. For a sum of money ranging from $200,000 to $3 million it was possible for a corrupt official to create for people a set of false passports, licenses and anything else you would need to create a new identity. This immediately created a buzz around the Mafia world and it wasn’t long before somebody attempted to this new thing. That somebody was Elusive. He paid the official 700k to make him disappear, and seemingly he did. Elusive appeared in the obituaries losing $23 million as well as a range of ammunition, guns and losing the services of 8 qualified bodyguards. Unhappy with his new life, Elusive confessed to the feds who matched fingerprints to bring Elusive back from the dead, with the hidden identity of Eluuugace heading to the obits instead. When catching up with Elusive he was found to say ‘It’s the most expensive torture ever!’. The New York Times Editor, Eragon, also attempted this to see what happened and added ‘It was a huge waste of money and I wouldn’t recommend it to anybody’. Seemingly this new possibility isn’t attracting much positive attention as it moves into every day life, but there may be some hidden benefits from taking part in these experiments. 'BUGSY SIEGEL, THE TRUTH BEHIND THE GUN ' We caught up with ASDA legend Bugsy Siegel in one of LA’s fine bars to talk to him on how life is with such a huge reputation to live up to, here’s how it went. Many people now regard you as the best gun in the land, how does that make you feel? *lights cigar* as I say to most people I talk to, this really is not my preferred lifestyle. I am not a man who enjoys the limelight nor do I get any special satisfaction from killing fellow Mafioso but I am a loyal servant to my family and there came a time some months back where I was thrust into this position to defend my family and I seem to have been here ever since. As for "actually" having the best gun? I think there are many people out there who would put good arguments against this claim and it is one I have never made. There are some good and great guns out there; ultimately I believe it comes down to bravery. When did you realise that you had the ability and the will to kill? As I say, it has never been my bloodlines chosen vocation, my Grandfather was made and his Dad was capo before him but I doubt many outside my family will have heard of their names. I was put in a position where I needed to defend the family and I seem to have some skill with the gun, having the will is easy it all comes to down honouring my family who have always been good to me. You’ve had quite a few high profile names which have died at the barrel of your gun, what motivates you to stay on top? *muses* I've been called many things in recent times, many calling me a mindless killer and a random assailant. Whether people choose to believe me or not, I would say 99% of all my kills have been in defence of either myself or my family. My victims have been mostly high profile characters Made men and Capo's, and anybody witness to any of the battles would have to say the targets are all carefully picked and swiftly taken out. The only motivation I need is my family, many people have much to say about ASDA but I have been part of the family from the early days and I believe we have some of the best people here both socially and tactically. Daily life must involve a lot of hassle with your reputation; do you ever feel like cracking? *Smiles* almost every day, I’m constantly looking over my shoulder always aware that somewhere, somebody or some group are planning an attack. It's about keeping one step ahead, listening to all but taking in only that that you believe to be true. there are some clever and manipulative people out there and it's a stressful job just trying to work out who is being your friend and who is plotting your demise. Other names thrown around for being the number one gun includes Giovanni Ricci and Puck, what do you think of your competition? *Sits back in chair and chuckles* I'm not naming names here, most people read the papers and listen out in the streets we all know who the contenders are and who can shoot and who cant. I'm sure as I say there are many out there who fancy their chances with me and I’m sure I think the same back. Ultimately I’m a realist and accept I wont live forever, there's someone out there who will take me down, they might be a lowly thug right now, they may not yet be born or they may even be outside this bar right now waiting for me.... 'WANTED' By Witch In a bizarre turn of events on the evening of Oct 3rd, a well dressed lady stepped out of the shadows and pinned up a poster on the town hall notice board. This lady is believed to be the one and only Mother, a high up member of the authorities. The notice asking for members of the community to help with ongoing investigations and went as follows :- WANTED: Information Information wanted leading to the capture of Luciano, aka Sawyer, CousinElvin, GeneralLee, GenioMalo, Il_Duca, Joey, LeyroyBrown, Makaveli_The_Hitter, OilCanAndy, ReggieNoble, SteveIrwin, Stevie, Swizzy, TheMask and Mendes among others. A reward will be paid for information leading to the removal of this person from the community. He was deported permanently, but has since managed to get back into the country illegally. A suitable punishment will be meted out to any found to be knowingly aiding and abetting this man. Obviously extreme caution is advised if approaching this individual. Further news will be reported as it arrives. 'TROUBLE AFOOT ' MST_Incognito has finally revealed his true identity on the streets within the last few days and he did it while proposing to New York Times journalist and Disco Casa Para Il Delictivo Loco Demente member, Witch. In his much awaited ‘coming out’ MST_Incognito revealed his true identity to the world and it seems that he is none other than…….. Puck. MST_Incognito is claiming that Disco Casa Para Il Delictivo Loco Demente leader Puck has actually stolen his identity and taken over his family against his wishes. MST_Incognito claims after many months of hard work getting himself up to the rank of Consigliore he decided to take a short holiday and allow the new ‘Puck’ to stand in for him to ensure their was no unrest but now this new ‘Puck’ refuses to give up. MST_Incognito has now set up a Casa Para Il Delictivo Loco Demente breakaway family called Casa Para Il Delictivo Loco Demente ~2, trouble is sure to follow. Who will win this battle of the Puck’s? Time will tell, keep looking at future New York Times issues for updates. 'SPAMMER OF THE WEEK' By Ernesto Taridelli This is the first of a number of Spammer of the Week awards that we here at the NY Times will be documenting. This week was certainly a tough one in judging just who spammed the most. Blunt_Gutz managed to create an impressive number of posters during this past week in a bid to get himself to the upstanding position of Made Man. He worked hard posting away in OOC avenue and keeping himself limited to the bar scene. Unfortunately, he forgot the streets existed. Another close contender was Genesis. The infamous street cleaner (who generally avoids the streets) often enjoys making OOC topics rating people to the best of his abilities. I feel as it is my duty to mention a couple of other people; McgregorTheSaint and Angel-Islington who both had an outstanding week, thanks guys. But the Spammer of the Week award this week goes to Shay! Congratulations Shay! You managed to achieve 6 OOC posters alongside each other at one stage and created an incredible 19 threads during the young life span. Sadly, due to her unfortunate passing she will be unable to collect her award this week. My thanks to all the contenders, better luck next week! 'AUNTIE AGNES’S PROBLEM PAGE ' Agnes, every issue I read your column and can’t help but feel that we are somehow meant to be together? The way you talk somehow makes you seem like one of my relatives and as all of my cousins, aunties and sisters are already in relationships I figure maybe we could hook up. Love Regg1e Regg1e, what a sweet name and a sweet mail. I don’t really feel that this would be a good start to a relationship though, perhaps we will meet up anyway though. Mail me with your details. Agnes, I am a god, worship me. Elusive. How is this a problems Elusive? Agnes, like you I seem to get a lot of mail from the men, much of the mail I receive though is far more lewd and suggestive. The trouble is, I’m far worse when I reply and I lead them all on. Agnes, can I remain a true woman and have my fun with all of them? Regards, Bell. Bell, you probably could, you just need to be sure not to do it all in one night. 'QUOTE OF THE DAY' By Dwayne Smith After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure. - Albus Dumbledore, not Glowy! 'ADVERTISEMENTS' Do you suck at betting? Spend all your cash on bets that you inevitably lose? Fear no more, Located above the infamous Renaissance club in downtown Manhattan is the recently opened "After Hours Betting & Social Club" Come along for free betting tips from the renowned betting supreme himself, Elusive. After you've placed your bets why not head downstairs for a drink in "Club Renaissance" We look forward to seeing you soon! Like beer? Like anything else like spirits or Rum? Well DeWalts New York isn’t the place for you. If you like beer and a good dirty mans atmosphere then why not join us for some of the finest brews in New York? DeWalts, Hope St, New York. 'RESPECTS TO' Shay Earner 2006-10-06 21:04 – TomTanzini This is truly a tragic day when someone such as you falls to the lowly hand of the man in a dark alley. You were a friend, apart of the family, and someone whom I could never forget. You have been with me for quite some time and have always been there for me. Your family has been that of Tanzini for some time now and shall always remain that way. The children you bore shall always be taken care of and protected by the Tanzini's. It is a shame that someone with such compassion, love, and charisma has been taken from us on this day.. May the angels take you into there arms and take you to a place truly worthy of you... May you rest in peace my dear.... TonyAl Capo 2006-10-05 10:03 – Clamps I dont believe it. Very loyal and hard working man, worthy of the title of Capo Regime. Come back soon, Tony. RIP Phata_Error Made Man 2006-10-04 17:09 – Aurora NobodyCares, this is no place to be.. oh wait.. ummm dead? *falls to her knees in front of Phatal's coffin, swaying from side to side, sibbing loudly before breaking into song: Thank you for being a phrieeeend! Travelled down the road 'n' back agaiiin. Your heart is true, you're a PAL and a confidante.... DumdumDUMDUM And IF I THREW a partaaaay Iiiiinvited everyone ya knewww! You would see the biggest gift would be from me.. ..and the card attached would say: THANK YOU FOR BEING A PHRIEND! *passes out* 2006-10-04 19:42 - Angel-Islington *Angel watches all the mourners an awaits until the last of those paying their respects are leaving, she walks in and looks into the coffin the man lying before her looked only asleep, she stroked his face only then sure that he had passed, collapsing to her knees she sobs..* This is just wrong, you are one of the nicest guys around these parts :( Who will design my daily outfits now? Rest in peace sweety. 'A NOTE FROM THE EDITORS: ' The editors of this particular edit would like to thank you all for reading it. This is just a pilot to cover issues whilst the gazette is gone but if it gains support it can swiftly become part of your daily lives. . If you would like to submit anything for a future paper mail either Eragon or Gio-Pagliuca